dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
