he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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