no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
