You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
