At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
