I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
