wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
