we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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