Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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