Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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