just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
