I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
