so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
