Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
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