Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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