I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
