dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
