I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
