Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
