I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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