if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
