Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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