id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
