I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
