Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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