don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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