the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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