I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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