Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
