i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
