We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
