well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
