I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
