Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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