while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
