Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
