You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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