my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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