I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
