so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
