fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
