I think my fart just growled at me.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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