moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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