Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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