Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
