Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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