Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
