She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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