You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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