Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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