Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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