I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
