The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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