Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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