Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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