There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
