I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
