Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
