so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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